I’m a sucker for unconventional memoirs. Memoirs of famous people? Maybe. Memoirs of people who walk around wearing Zorb balls because they hate it when people around them walk slowly or walk too close to them? I’m so IN!
I’m glad I stumbled upon this wonderful e-ARC on NetGalley. Thank you Abrams Press for giving me an opportunity to read and review this book.
I have been in a bit of a reading slump, thanks to work and studies, and I’ve been reading this book a-chapter-a-day for more than 2 weeks now. But I did end up finishing this book today, on a rainy Sunday.
It is a book unlike any other I have read till date.
I pen down this review as I listen to the author’s album, “My Favourite Place to Drown“. And that’s because I just cannot get enough of this socially-awkward genius’s brain.
The book starts at the beginning, about Michael’s upbringing in a family where honesty was deemed the only way to live and where white lies were frowned upon and his wanderings into a world where the exact opposite was the norm. As a kid, he was honest to the point that it made people uncomfortable, angry and/or disgusted with him. People of his age didn’t understand his unnatural philosophy. The only place where he felt understood was within the four walls of his home, and at family therapy camp. (Please read the book to enjoy the wholesome awesomeness with which the author describes family therapy camp. Trust me, it’s as intriguing as it sounds)
As he started evolving into a teenager, his opinions supporting the logicality of honesty became even more stronger. “Being honest was equivalent to caring for someone, because if you really cared for someone, why would you lie to them?”
But later as he grew up and moved to New York to make a career, he realised that this prominent trait of his was seen as a liability by job recruiters. Any person with common sense knows that there are ways to successfully hoodwink an interviewer by humble-bragging (the most common one, and the one mentioned in this book being: What is your weakness?) or by making yourself seem like a bigger deal than what you actually are (saying you’re awesome with Excel when you don’t even know how to perform a simple VLOOKUP). But to the author, being honest was imperative, and he interpreted every question by the interviewer as a chance to show how honest he really was. And that, coupled with no real job experience, only managed to land him furious looks and angry outbursts instead of a job.
Eventually, he managed to insert himself into the music scene by attending open-mics. He met a couple of like-minded people and got by. But then came the next phase of life that every 20-something is excited about and dreads at the same time: the relationship phase. And you guessed right, my man Michael drew the short straw in this department as well.
Let me backtrack a bit now. It’s easy to look at the author and say he should have resorted to lying long time ago, and that he has no right to whine about his romantic life or the resultant lack of it. But the fact is that a major part of our personalities are shaped by our early interactions with our family, the expectations our parents have from us and the things they believe to be right or wrong. These things shape all of us in infinitesimal ways, hence we do not truly understand the history of our quirks and conventional behaviours.
His longest and most influential relationship with his girlfriend Eve helped him realise the role played by his dad (who used honesty as a substitute for caring for his son) in the problems he faced due to his inability to differentiate between being honest and being blunt. The author’s dad had given him emotionless critiques to the short stories he had drafted as a kid. His father taught him chess, but didn’t congratulate him on his first win. There is a heartbreaking incident in the book where the author confronts his dad about whether he cared more for the debate or actually cared for him as a kid, and here is a quote from the book:
“I wasn’t your opponent,” I said, my voice cracking already. “I was your son.”
Dad’s hard-walking didn’t flag. “It would have been hypocritical for me to give you special treatment just because you’re my son.”
To Be Honest by Michael Leviton
The author wrote an early manuscript of a book spanning up to 400 pages in order to process the toxic relationship he shared with his dad. This book includes that story and takes the story forward.
But “To Be Honest” isn’t only about this unusual father-son relationship, it’s about relationships in general. The other one, prominently covered in the memoir is the relationship the author shared with Eve, the one which eventually taught him that being honest all the time may not be a good idea, the one which when it ended (it was going to, as admitted by the author at the start of the relationship) gave him a chance to go look at the other side of why people told white lies and why people frowned upon him when he spoke his mind.
The ending of the book is the one which will leave you stunned and with a need to question your truths (and lies). For the sake of not giving a spoiler, I won’t quote the exact line which made me go :O , but if you do read the book in January 2021 (the expected publishing date), do let me know.
What I liked about the book is the ‘matter-of-fact’ tone with which it was written. The narration is honest. And while all memoirs are honest by definition, this one seems just a notch above the rest. There are various aspects of social interactions described in excruciating detail in this book, which for a socially awkward person like me, seemed like an encyclopaedia of ‘why people behave the way they do’. I don’t claim to be as honest as the author, but I have faced similar struggles as a kid brought up to be as honest as possible. I know what it feels like to be left out or laughed at or just ignored, because I was honest enough to say stuff / wear clothes that made me feel comfortable and did not conform to the latest trends / stay true to myself and not embellish in a bid to get people to like me.
All I’m saying is that the book was really relatable. (reference brownie points)
Some of the small anecdotes I really liked were the ones where the author got hired by a person who really appreciated his philosophy and views and gave him invaluable life advice. Also, the Anton Chekhov anecdote.
Moreover, as I write a review of this book, I recall all the times I have been honest while reviewing a really bad book. I felt torn because I feared that being brutally honest meant that the author would be discouraged and may never try to write again. Eventually, I settled into a win-win strategy. I’d write an honest review and write a longer email to the author detailing my insights which could help them avoid the mistakes they made. Of course, these debut authors were the ones who approached me to review the book in the first place, I didn’t go shoving down my opinion to random authors who didn’t even know who I was (though I may have been guilty of ranting about them on Twitter (without tagging them, of course)).
There’s nothing to not like about this book, and I say that while I cross my heart and hope to die rather than lie.
I would recommend this book to anyone looking for a book which highlights the nuances of communicating with strangers and lovers, the debate about whether etiquette is a necessary evil or just a plain old divide between the sophisticated and the ones with no means to learn how to be sophisticated and how you too can balance the tightrope of being honest or saying “Let’s meet again!” and never meeting them ever again.
P.S.: I listened to the album twice and really really really loved it.
Expected Publishing Date: 5th January, 2021
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